Lost Motivation

Since I started doing marathons and more I've never struggled for motivation, never struggled to get on with long sessions, thriving from the fact I'd been doing them and always getting better and better. I remember running through the town at 5am last winter on a Sunday morning having missed some night out and watching a couple walk home from the Saturday night because Sunday was the only morning I could fit in a 4hr day on the trail. Not at one point was I thinking 'why am I doing this?' I was just so pumped to get myself in to the best possible shape for last years 3 marathons in 3 days. I remember when I was so pumped to run a sub 3hr marathon that when at only 13miles I was thinking I cant keep this pace going instead of slowing I gritted the teeth and pushed on to such an extent that tears were running down my face in the last few miles and once I crossed the line in 2hrs 59!! I was collapsed like a fool trying to convince St.Johns ambulance that I didn't need a wheelchair. That effort was down to pure determination and motivation to do something that 4 years ago I thought was not possible at all! I loved it.

From that high I decided to do a 50mile running event only 5 weeks later. So hardly rested after pushing myself beyond breaking in the marathon but I was still motivated as mentally I was buzzing from the marathon. I read the other day, Paula Radcliffe saying after a marathon she takes 3 complete weeks off, and that's a pro athlete doing that so looking back it was too much with the level I'd pushed myself for the marathon.

Completed the 50mile in fifth place in 7hours 45mins to even more agony than the marathon. Literally twice the pain.

If I wasn't so competitive and just did these events for fun not to the ultimate max then it's easy to do all the time. Honestly think just 'doing' a marathon, half marathon is easy, it's doing it to your limit that takes it out of you. Notice that the people who do serious distance events almost weekly are not that fast at all (except for a few amazing athletes, but that's why they are amazing athletes) for two reasons, they either don't push themselves to the max, which is absolutely fine as they just do it for 100% enjoyment or don't get that much faster because they are never in recovery mode.

Either way there is nothing wrong with it but personally I do these events because I want to be the fastest, fittest that I can mixed in with the fact that I love training.

However in the last two months I've really struggled. I've lost all my motivation and training has become a chore more often than not. All I want to do is train how I want, when I want, socialise aka enjoy the weekends and just keep myself healthy for a good couple months then after the new year look forward to the Ironman, the only big event I'm going to do next year. After the 50mile I should have rested up and just enjoyed keeping myself healthy until 2012 but for some reason I'm doing the 3 marathons again this year! I've hardly put the work in for it but keep trying to force myself to as I've got that 'time' from last years event in the back of my mind. Physically I can do it, just do it slow but mentally I cant hack putting my body through some obscene levels of pain again so soon after the last. Especially another running event, it's one reason why I cant wait for the new year and a new goal in an Ironman.

Last weekend is a good example for me of how we are all sometimes guilty of over worrying about stuff like this which at the end of the day are not that important. There only important to yourself. My sister completed her first half marathon in just under 3hrs, she was chuffed and for once I decided to watch the slower runners coming in and seeing how happy everyone towards the back were at getting to the line was amazing. Then there was me hanging my head because I'd run 4mins outside of my 1.19 PB - not just me, most of people around me hardly looked happy as again all too often we put too much pressure on are selves. At the end of the day I was in the top 100 of a 15,000 field and was disappointed. It's rather pathetic if I put it in to perspective.

I actually enjoyed the event more than anything in a while as I'd barely thought about times or anything until I was at the start line and just enjoyed the whole day and atmosphere which made it great! Too often I am so pumped with time goals that I don't really enjoy the day. Looking back I didn't enjoy the London Marathon at all, not because it isn't amazing, it is! It's probably the greatest event around, 26 miles with not one section with no support and the city taken over by runners and supporters who are doing something brilliant. On top of that the people you meet are awesome, everyone so outgoing. I was so focused on the sub 3hr that it almost killed me on the day and didn't allow me any time to take in the day and mix with people - Saying a sub 3hr marathon is something I always wanted so amazingly happy with it but it does take over. One day I'm going to do a marathon in fancy dress and just be there purely for the fun of the day. That's when I was hugely motivated, I'll get that back but I need a rest.

It's strange how someones mentality can determine how hard you train. Mentally I'M NOT at the races at the moment, I'm burned out and wonder what to do about the three marathons. Maybe I'll just do it as one last thing but just take it easy and enjoy the day, I know mentally that will put me in a better place instead of stressing about doing well in it. Just enjoy the experience now that I've paid for the entry.

Tough week mentally. Time to rest

Psychology's role in Endurance Sport

I'm no sports psychologist and to be fair know very little about it but I'm adamant that a persons mental state plays as much if not more of a role than a persons fitness and general conditioning for endurance events.

To start with I know guys who are in better shape than I am but would no way even attempt a big endurance event. They know it's going to push them to hell and beyond and that's before your body has started to cramp up or hurt so much that it's begging for you to stop moving! I read somewhere that you as the person is both the solution and the problem. I think this is true, You've either got it or you haven't. If you haven't you don't even think about some silly challenge, but if you have got the state of mind then it's all you think about. When one things completed, achieved, not long after theres always need for something else. It's just the way it is.

I sometimes wonder why does one person of a similar fitness level to the next think something is impossible whilst the next will think it's totally possible?

Personally I just tell myself weeks out, this is going to hurt like hell but mentally I prepare myself for the pain and suffering and when it comes cope with it best I can, with just one rule don't stop moving unless it's absolutely got to a horrendous stage :) Every time I do a big endurance sport I mentally get stronger, I start thinking about how fast I could do something, or I wonder if I could do X or Y?

To sum it up I'm decent at running far, ok on the bike but none existent at swimming, I've never done a triathlon and haven't been in the pool for over 18months yet I've just gone and entered an Ironman. Granted I'm not doing it from scratch but it's out of my comfort zone so is hard, probably the most challenging event I've done to date.

Anyway that's 11 months away so once Xmas is out the way that will be the main goal. For now I've got three marathons in 3 days coming up along the coastal path which is going to be tough but physically I know I can do it as I did it last year. So know it changes to a mental challenge, how much can I push myself to finish as high up the leader board and improve on my 4th place last year? That's probably up to what sort of mental state I'm in, I'll have prepared myself mentally as well as physically by pushing myself to the limit in training, as strange as it sounds to just practicing suffering so that come race day I'm ready.

All in all as much as to do well in these events/challenges/races you have to be in fantastic physical shape, i'f your goal is just to finish something, regardless of how long it takes then if your mrntal state is good then theres no reason why you can't achieve something that you can only imagine possible at the moment.

Back on the endurance!

As of yesterday I got my ass back in gear, entered the coastal challenge and got out of party mode and in to training mode. With six weeks to go, I'm going to up the running again and see if I can get myself back in to triple marathon shape. Whether or not I've left it late we'l see but I needed the 'party' break as I was exhausted. Either way, at the moment I'm ridiculously up for smashing some big training in and trying to go well this year. I'm refreshed and ready to put in 6 weeks of graft, trying my all to come as close to winning the marathons as possible then chill out and probably party it up again over xmas! ha ha

First day back on the endurance yesterday, started with a bang. Over 2hrs of running and a quick 30min conditioning circuit in the gym which was 12mins AMRAP (As many reps as possible) of 1min running, 10 burpees, 7-10 20kg thrusters, 10 low squats. Following that 12mins AMRAP 300m row, 10 low goblet squats, 10 press ups. Smashed it yesterday and quads/hams were tired today so this was a good chance for me to practice running on tired legs so ran today again for 75mins and once I got the fatigue out of my legs was going good at the end. Good solid start.

Food wise hit the calories hard yesterday on my return to the endurance. Around the 4000 cals mark, essential for endurance, especially when we have to find energy for work to! Food ranging from lean meats, veg, potatoes, bread, bananas, chocolate coated rice cakes, oats and plenty of milk!! I'll save the endless chocolate, chips, pizza and other junk until I start the back to back long runs.

Anywey back in the game and I'm well motivated again! Class

Finding it hard to get motivated - Triple Marathon or the pool

Since I pulled out of the last ultra with injury then took it easy for a few weeks, I'm really really finding it hard to get motivated again. I'm changing my mind like a little child about weather or not to enter the coastal challenge in November. 7 weeks away, I know if I start again this week I could get back in shape for it but plain and simply, I seriously don't know if I can be arsed to run that much already again. Recently I've been doing Monday to Friday training, which has been a mix of cycling, conditioning and running and then just having the weekend off where to be honest except for this weekend I've been drunk as a skunk most Saturday nights. Saying that it's been fun to just do 'normal' amounts of training without letting it take over your life, which I find almost impossible for ultras, especially if you want to do well!

The second reason is that since watching Ironman Wales last weekend I've got it in to my head that I really really want to do it next year which means I need to get swimming lessons because I can barely swim, let alone swim 2.4miles in the sea, and cycle much more. Even though there is a year to go, I'm one of these people who gets far to 'in to it' as I always want to to the absolute best.

I'm in two minds about wheather or not to wait until after the Coastal Challenge (November 21st) then start stepping up the bike and swim especially more than the running or to start now??

I really cant decide. Some one told me the other day though, to go for one more big running event because they thought I was getting closer and closer to winning one. That's pretty humbling but it's a lot of repetitive training which for some reason I'm struggling to motivate myself for, something I've never found hard since I started all this fitness.

8 weeks this weekend, but I'm having a night out in Cardiff next weekend so wont do much in the way of back to back long runs, so 7 weeks training it would be....

I could do that, one more push then 100% swim and cycle with Ironman a certainty for next year!

Taking it easy (easier)

Since the last ultra, hurting my hamstring and getting a DNF in a race I felt I was capable of winning I've taken things a bit easier, even though I've still trained most days, I've mixed things up with Cross fit, cycling. In fact I've only run about 15miles in two weeks but I need it more than anything, I'm drained from huge amounts of training and looking back over the year it's been one thing after the other so I've always been in the training zone and until now realised I just couldn't switch off, knowing in the back of my mind I had something to train for.

Don't get me wrong I love competing and I love ultras but it's a huge huge commitment and I think its caught up with me. So, at the moment I'm thinking I may not enter the coastal challenge in November, drop the milage a bit and mix things up a little with cross fit, cycling, rowing or whatever else takes my fancy. Emphasising my whole training on intensity and including some more strength and conditioning. I want to switch off from the ultras for a few months then come marathon season next Easter, really really smash a fast marathon then get back in to the ultras. Basically unless I'm able to train 100% and actually improve I'm not that interested, it's winning or putting so much in to it that there is nothing left to give. At the moment I'm not, I need a rest from the mileage.

This is not to say I wont be training because training is just what I do but just want to do more of what I fancy and concentrate on intensity and speed for a while. E.g. the other day I did a tough circuit then just ran 1mile and left nothing in the tank, I pushed it so hard was exhausted and had done less than 25mins of work. That was brilliant and exactly what I fancy at the moment.

It feels like there's a weight off my shoulders that there is no huge events coming up. I usually thrive off the events but for a while I'm happy to be able to just train how I like without it taking over. Until I recover, get the hunger back and hit it hard as possible again, I think it's a case of one step back to take two forward.

I cant wait to be back but for now I need to chill out a bit :)

Peaks 40mile - disappointing

My attempt racing in the 40miles in the Peak District was a disappointment. 25 miles in and an injury caused me to pull out. So disappointed, I've never had a DNF before and felt really good, I was definitely catching the 5 in front of me. I had guesstimated 5 hours 45mins but you can never tell in these races because of the terrain etc but after seeing the winning time of 5.47 I was gutted. I probably wouldn't have won but I was going strong and catching people ahead fast so was a shame to get an injury. How ever one thing you can't know in these long races is how you will feel late on, maybe I would have hit a really bad patch, slowed down and been nearer 6hrs or something but will never know for this one. At the end of the day I got a DNF so that's the end of it.

What I am sure of is that after a little rest period for a few weeks to let my leg heel and then X train to give me that mental break from running, I'll be back, enter the Coastal Challenge and do well in that.

Unfort not much in the way of a race blog today, arrrgghhh.....so frustrating!

I mentioned I was going to attempt negative splits every 10m - well I did for the first 2 then had to withdraw, I think it's definitely something I'd like to try again. Early door I was way down the field and it was really hard to let people run off at the start, but had to keep telling myself they'll slow (unless there awesome!). Got to the first checkpoint in 12th/13th, by 20miles I was in 7/8th and feeling strong - Past another two then had to withdraw. Got picked up by the Marshall, humiliated by having a lift to the 3rd checkpoint and past 4 of the 5 ahead of me together hardly ahead of me at all. By the end the leader had slowed a lot and one of the 4 over took him so it was a shame about the injury but that's life! Like I said earlier though, I may well have slowed in the later stages too, what I think doesn't count, I was out and others weren't it's just one of those things.

Next time...

Preparing for the ultra - Carb intake and rough plan

Here we go then, the day before another big weekend. I'll be the first to admit I've barely thought about this ultra, which is weird as I'm not exactly experienced at running these sorts of distances but then again the relaxed feeling I've got going in to this might be naive of me or pure accidental genius ha ha

A two rest before the ultra is all I'm doing just because I haven't managed anywhere near the consistency of previous adventures this time and I'm really not bothered with times etc for this one, I just want to go out and leave it all on the trail, no one can do more than that - When I get near that wall of pain my attitude will be 'Move you f*****g p***k, or I'm smashing straight through you!'

With that attitude in mind I'm not going to fuss to much about race nutrition there's checkpoints every 10miles with plenty of food and at the Cardiff ultra I fussed too much, ended up eating so much that I went ill and ended walking off and on for the next 3-4 miles. The only food I'm taking with me are nutra grain bars as there so easy to eat compared to most bars. This and nuun electrolyte tablets mixed in my water.

Nutrition wise I've been generally great recently and I'm back down to a more suitable 71kg for this which I'm happy with, I feel fit despite the lack of any distance. I know this is down to good nutrition, this is even more evident if my nutrition is crap for a day or two so I try my best to nail it in the weeks before an event then just not worry about it for about a week post race. Today is about eating carbs, a lot of them to. The goal is about 600g of carbs - that's almost 2,400 calories just in carbohydrates. What I think people often get wrong with carb loading, something I've been guilty of myself is that they food load and not carb load. Usually that means eating way too much food, not being comfortable resulting in loads of calories but not enough carbs. This is the time too forget protein get a normal amount of good fat and lots of carbs - If you eat enough carbs (for me about 600g) then the protein takes care of itself, nutts and fish are good for some fats at this point.

Carb load food intake today -

7am - Normal breakfast, 50g oats, banana, low fat milk, grapes (Low fat because I'm just a baby when it comes to the full fat milk and I'm not going to change two days before)
Carbs - 70g (ish)

10am - 3 wholemeal bagels with some hummus - Carbs 120g ish (A good intake of good fats from the hummus to, a small pot about about 15-17g of fats)

Lunch 13.30PM - New potatoes 250g, kale, broccoli, broad beans and an egg, homemade chutney - (All that food has come from a garden directly and within about 10miles from home - as fresh as it gets) - 70-80g approx of carbs

3pm - Nettle tea with pack of belivitta biscuits - carbs - 30-35g (nettle tea, I'm always changing herbal teas just to see the different ones)

16.30pm - Breakfast all over again - 50g oats, banana, grapes, milk - 70g ish carbs

Dinner - Same as lunch but with 100g chicken (Chicken just to get some of the highest quality protein which offers more to the body than relying on secondary protein from wheat/oats etc) carbs - 70-80g

Pre bed - 2 wholemeal bagels small amounts of jam - carbs 80g

The end ha ha

Approximate carbohydrate intake - 550g (ish) it isn't exact but as good a guide as I can take from labels etc. 50g shy of my 600g goal but I think that will do unless I find something small again but that will do me fine to be honest. I'm already a Little on the full side and I'm not on the dinner part yet and got my bagels to go. Will easily manage tho. A little more 'normal' for tomorrow so that I'm not too full and sluggish Sunday morning.

Big amounts of eating and with work too it takes some serious planning and is like an endurance session of it's own!

Water wise I'm always around the 4 litre mark so just maintain that, If I up the water intake then I will be too full to eat! Tough old job this carb loading is, it actually is the main job of the day today!

Tomorrow will be mostly spent travelling so the main emphasis on eating is today as well as the fact that a big day of eating the day before leaves me too full and sluggish before the run. I want to be buzzing the day before not bloated so I always try and emphasise more on the carb load two days before.

Once the ultra is done I'm looking forward to 3 weeks of cross fit, cycling and rowing with the od run day. For anyone that doesn't do cross fit and want to get some good full body conditioning in try it. Be warned if your a poser who does weights purely for the dance floor this is probably a little on the hard work side for you, so maybe stick to your bicep curls, bench press and the od tricep extension with ample rest to work on posing :)

Example cross fit circuit I did the other day was - Pull ups , 25kg dumbbell clean and Press, Tyre flips, Keg carry, box jumps, = 6 rounds of great conditioning.